Elvis
Kennedy’s Guide to Peeing While Riding A Bike
1. Find a suitable stretch of
road. This means a road with little vehicular traffic and
few buildings.
2. A slight downhill is best. You need to keep your speed
high enough that you’re still stable on your bike
without needing both hands on the bars and without needing
to pedal. Pedaling or putting both hands on the bars will
result in failure.
3. Ideally you’d have a slight side wind. I turn to
the right so I want a left-to-right breeze. I
shouldn’t need to tell you not to pee into the wind.
4. You can ride ahead of your cycling buddies but drifting
back a little is probably best. No need to embarrass
yourself.
5. Once steps 1-4 are in place do the following
a. Steady yourself on the bike.
b. Slowly stand on your pedals, turn your upper body to the
right or left (keeping the side wind in mind). If you turn
to the right your right pedal should be at the bottom of
the stroke and if you turn to the left, well, you figure it
out.
c. Control your bike with your left hand (if you turn to
the right), slowly flip the top of your cycling shorts down
a bit and bring Mr. Happy out just far enough to be able to
aim.
d. Turn your hips as far as you can to the side and
rearward by bracing your left knee against the top tube.
You should be standing tall at this point. Be careful not
to twist your knees or you could unclip from your pedals.
You won’t be turned as far as you’d like to be
but remember, this is a compromise (in more ways than
one!).
e. Muster up as much bladder pressure as you can before
letting go. A strong stream will travel farther and
increase your chances of success.
f. Clear your mind of cars, other bikers, pedestrians and
other passersby. If you let those things bother you, you
will fail. You must be single-minded and focused!
g. Aim high and straight out to the side. This will give
the wind a chance to carry the pee away from you and your
bike. Keep your wrist and arm tucked in.
h. Once you begin, keep the pressure as high as you can for
as long as you can. Once you lose pressure it’s best
to stop as fast as possible. You don’t need to
completely empty your bladder. Draining 80-90% of it will
do the trick.
i. Once you’ve shut the faucet off give yourself one
quick shake and stuff Mr. Happy back where he belongs. But
be sure the faucet is off.
j. Turn your body forward, pedal a bit to gain speed, make
a few minor adjustments for comfort and ride on.
This
takes practice. Don’t give up if at first you
don’t succeed. Ladies, you’re on your own.
To
download this handy guide click here;
ElvisKennedybikepee