Review: Positively False by Floyd Landis
Elvis reviews Floyd Landis'
book; Disco is Dead
The Discovery Channel Cycling Team and it's doping stars are gone. Good riddance! (Come back! I miss you!) Read More...
Stage 19 - Bomb's Away!
Elvis gets bombed! Stage 16 - Dead Man's Ride
Rest Day #2
Stage 13 - Levi Lectures
Stage 12 - Got Milk?
A great ride. More doping
controversy. Cows. Stage 6 - A Memorable Ride
Stage 6 - 62 beautiful miles
through farm country Stage 3 - Elvis Meets Landis
Elvis goes to see Floyd Landis
(Oh, and he rides 73 miles too). Stage 2 - Rain & Wind & Weather
Dope and the Doping Dopers Who Use It
Stupid is as Stupid Does
Even Wally wants to stay
inside
The weather here in
Wisconsin has been stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. So
far in April the high temperature every day has
averaged 15 to 20 degrees below normal. And April's
temperatures are rarely anything to write home about.
We have not had a good day weather-wise in over two
weeks. As Elvis writes this it is 33 degrees outside
and windy, which makes the 'feels like' temperature
9. 9! Did I mention that it's snowing? There are 7
inches of snow on the ground and it's still coming
down. I've ridden my bike outside just once these
past two weeks and I couldn't feel my fingers or toes
at the end. Like I said, STUPID!
Speaking of which, did you READ how doper Floyd Landis is
"vehemently" opposed to any further testing of his
blood samples that were taken during the 2006 Tour
de France? Seems as if the self professed seeker
of truth has suddenly done an about-face. Here's
the deal; Landis' blood was found to have
contained an illegal substance. Landis claims the
lab doing the tests screwed up. To help clear up
matters the U.S. Anti Doping Agency (USADA) wants
further tests done to find the truth. Seems
reasonable, right? Particularly if you are
innocent. But here is what Landis has to say about
the situation (via one of his people); "USADA is
on a fishing expedition", "absurd",
"inappropriate", and my favorite, "to allow
(further testing) strips this of the appearance of
fairness". Fairness? Amazing how guilty minds
always cry foul as soon as a reasonable approach
to getting to the truth is suggested. Elvis has
stated before that any innocent athlete would
/should be demanding in the strongest terms that
their blood be re-tested, especially if they're
going to claim lab errors. Landis has been on a
speaking tour showing a fancy Power Point
presentation that supposedly proves that he is
innocent. He has begged for money (and received
$600K from the fools falling for his sad-sack
story) to help with his defense. And now that
there is an opportunity to get this clarified by
retesting his blood he says that it's not fair.
Hey Floyd, fair is riding a race clean. Fair is
admitting your mistakes. Fair is an even playing
field (although that seemingly does not exist in
professional cycling). Fair is millionaires paying
their own legal costs and not begging for money. Fair
is supporting anything that can expose the truth.
Anything else is just stupid.
Exhibit 'B'. Did you READ that Jan Ullrich's DNA
matched that from blood taken from the lab of the
mad scientist-doctor in Spain who was helping over
50 pro cyclists dope? Add Der Kaiser to the long,
long list of top pro cyclists who've cheated. What
do you think the odds are that the other 49 names
from the lab are exposed? Elvis can tell you -
zero. For one, Lance Armstrong's Discovery team
has a team of lawyers running interference for
Ivan Basso, whom Discovery hopes can win the Tour
in 2007. Lance Armstrong is an extremely
well-funded expert at running interference and
preventing activities that could expose the truth.
Relatively small and meagerly financed
organizations have no chance against someone like
the venomously self-protective Lance. Although it
seems clear that each of the other 49 riders
should also be providing DNA samples with which to
compare to the blood found in the evil lab, we're
only likely to hear about a handful of second tier
riders, and the big-time dopers like Basso will
ride freely in the Tour. Guess what Ullrich has to
say about his DNA matching that of the doped
blood? Right! Lab irregularities and a conspiracy
against him.
Let's review for a moment what each of the following
pro cyclists have stated as their defense when faced
with doping charges;
Lance Armstrong-------------Lab irregularities,
conspiracy against him
Tyler Hamilton-----------------Lab irregularities,
conspiracy against him
Floyd Landis-------------------Lab irregularities,
conspiracy against him
Jan Ullrich----------------------Lab irregularities,
conspiracy against him
Weird, isn't it? Does anyone besides Elvis see any
similarities? If Landis loses his fight he will be
re-soundly trashed in the press, leaving Armstrong as
the only rider able to win the PR battle. Oh, the
power of money.
Sticks and Stones
So along comes Dick Pound and he's not interested in hiding the problem. He's interested in fixing it and to fix something you have to first recognize that it's broken. Lance Armstrong, on the other hand, has no interest in having the world recognize the fact that top cyclists dope. Armstrong is much more interested in himself - he doesn't care about the sport of cycling. He also likes to whip out the cancer card at every turn because he knows that it's his way of tricking people into believing him on the one hand, and shutting up people like Dick Pound on the other. If the truth about Armstrong's vast doping program came to light he would be knocked off of his pedestal and become forever known as a liar and a cheat. For a man with Armstrong's ego and need to be in the spotlight that just won't do.
Dick Pound, no that's not my
porn industry nameThe cancer card has been the knock-out punch for Lance and he is simply not used to people being able to take the punches and keep standing. So what does Lance do? He files complaint after complaint regarding Pound. He demands that Pound be fired from his post. I love that one; a doper demands that the anti-doping chief be fired because he is doing his job as the 'anti-doping' chief. Get it Lance? Anti doping. Oh forget it. You wouldn't understand what riding clean means would you? Read HERE and HERE how Lance's complaining resulted in Pound being asked to "exercise greater prudence" when making public announcements. Lance, with his typical dishonesty calls this a "major victory". Major victory? You demanded that Pound be fired and all that happened was that Pound was asked to choose his words carefully. I'd call that a major defeat as well as further evidence that Lance is being dishonest about his motives regarding cycling. And note the headline of the NY Times article, "Ethics Rebuke for Doping Chief". What would be wrong with a more accurate headline like, say, "War of Words Over Lance Armstrong's Failed Drug Test Continues"?
Lance also said that the committee's recommendation that Pound only be asked to be more thoughtful was not the resolution that he had in mind. Wait a minute. I thought that you said it was a major victory. Wasn't a major victory what you had in mind? Is it considered a major victory when you don't get what you had in mind? I don't ever recall thinking that a little kiss on the cheek at the end of an expensive date was a 'major victory'. Then again, I'm not a rich and famous doped up egomaniac. They obviously think different.
Lance calls Pound a "clown" and an "absolute disaster". Nice. Nancy-boy Lance cries like a baby when Dick Pound speaks the truth and as soon as Pound is asked to be more civil Lance lowers the discourse even further by resorting to name-calling. What a creep! You see, this is where Lance's over-active ego will be his downfall. He'd be best served by keeping his mouth shut and going on a low-profile vacation with his boyfriend. All Lance does by this childish bickering is keep the words doping, EPO and Lance Armstrong in the same sentence.
Anti-Doping chief Dick Pound said it best; "He (Armstrong) keeps alive this whole thing that he should be trying to fade away, that a French accredited laboratory found that he had six positive samples for EPO in 1999. Maybe he thinks if he huffs and puffs, all of this will go away, but it won't". Amen, brother!
Elvis Has a Hero - Maybe
Could this man, Bradley Wiggins
become Elvis' new hero?Could Cofidis rider Bradley Wiggins become cycling's biggest hero? Wiggins, a 26 year old rider from Great Britain has said this regarding Landis' behavior at the Tour, "I was really angry with Landis. It sickens me. He tested positive and then he was denying it. He took us riders for fools". And more importantly he has said this, "Doping problems affect everyone in the peloton, I've got children, a wife and a house and I could lose my livelihood because someone who tests positive finishes ahead of me. It's about time someone had some balls and told it how it was. There are enough of us who think the way I do. They say it's only one or two but I'm sure more people are doing these things. So it's my role as a role-model to expose it and not pretend it isn't happening. I don't think it's right I should come up in front of everyone and put up a smokescreen and say everybody is OK and there are only one or two people doing this. My big motivation this year is to prove that you can win clean." (Read HERE)
Mr. Wiggins, you have an amazing opportunity right in front of you. If you do what you can to expose the dopers and their activities and if you stay clean Elvis Kennedy promises to name you the first annual Elvis Kennedy Man of The Year. I'm pulling for you. Really, I am. Cycling desperately needs someone to stand up and call things the way they really are. Especially because the current tolerance of ignorance has created a dysfunctional environment.
I don't know much about Mr. Bradley Wiggins but I did read his profile HERE and learned that he once rode for Linda McCartney's cycling team. I had no idea that Sir Paul's first wife sponsored a cycling team. I here forward and forever after forgive Linda for her terrible singing voice. It also gives me an excuse to include a racy photo of Sir Paul's current ex-wife; Heather Mills (see photo, below).
To give you and idea of what Bradley Wiggins is up against Elvis provides for your enjoyment these items;
Doper Floyd Landis continues his web of deceit. At the same time that he's traveling the country on his Girl Scout Cookie Tour (acting like a little girl, begging for money) he has refused to provide samples of his urine to the U.S. Anti Doping Agency (read HERE). If you'll recall Landis and his lackey's have consistently been claiming that the testing that showed testosterone in his urine was faulty. This would seem like the perfect defense for a guy who claims to be clean wouldn't it? Have the U.S. lab test his urine under controlled circumstances. If I'm a clean rider I would have been demanding re-testing from day one. But wait! Landis' knuckle-headed advisor/coach/spokesmouth (and retired doctor, as if that somehow makes him a urine testing expert) Arnie Baker now says, ""The sample was clearly contaminated and mislabeled. I'm not sure whose urine I'm looking at here". Ay, carumba! They've got an
And here's another Landis spin on truth; Landis tells ESPN (HERE) that he is increasingly pessimistic that he'll race professionally in 2007. He continually tries to portray himself as the victim. But it was Landis himself who requested that the hearings in his case be delayed. Originally set for February 8th, today, Landis requested that the US Anti Doping agency delay the hearing - now set for May 14th. He also requested that the French delay their hearings too. So here we have Landis crying that his 2007 season is lost when he was the primary factor in that outcome.
Then comes this nice little snippet from Velo News;
"Sadly, Hamilton's last day as a pro serves as a painful reminder of just what the sport has suffered through in recent years. That day's stage was won by Roberto Heras (stripped of the 2005 Vuelta title and suspended for EPO), who knocked Floyd Landis (facing the loss of the 2006 Tour de France title on a testosterone charge) out of the leader's jersey. Finishing second that day was Santiago Perez (suspended for blood doping), who finished ahead of third-placed Francisco Mancebo (named in Operación Puerto and ejected from the 2006 Tour)."
Doping Item #3:
Tour de France runner-up Oscar Pereiro (and eventual Tour winner if Floyd is found to have doped) was cleared (read HERE) of doping charges by presenting the French anti-doping agency with a medical excuse for using salbutamol (a banned substance). He claims that he forgot to send the paperwork in. Are you kidding me? In this day and age of cyclists getting hit with doping charges a Tour favorite somehow forgets to file such critical paperwork? He had apparently forgotten until he tested positive and then he quickly remembered. Plus, salbutamol is used by asthma sufferers (having asthma is a plus for endurance athletes, right?) to do what? Open breathing passageways to allow for more oxygen to enter the lungs. How lucky for Pereiro to suffer a disease which allows him to take a drug that actually helps him cycle better. What are the odds? I know what you're thinking; Elvis, you're not suggesting that pro riders and their doctors falsify medical documentation for a competitive advantage are you? YES! I am. Pereiro is a doper. There I said it. You have to stop listening to the teams and riders and look at the facts. Is it really possible for an asthma sufferer to be one of the best cyclists in the world? Wouldn't that be an impediment in a sport that relays so heavily on proper breathing and unworldly oxygen capacity? We don't need experts or testing to tell us that Pereiro is a doper. That fact that he takes a banned substance that, if honestly needed, would have prevented him from ever rising through the cycling ranks is a big chunk of obviousness.
And how is it that cyclists can find dishonest doctors willing to lie and cheat on their behalf? I'm not sure, but you might want to query Lance Armstrong on this. He spent six years working with and paying large sums of money to Dr. Michele Ferrari, convicted of malpractice by providing dope to cyclists. Armstrong will want you to believe that in those six years he and Ferrari had never spoken of or discussed anything in any way related to doping. All while Ferrari was providing dope, doping schedules and doping advice to his lesser known clients. Again, don't believe what these culprits are saying - believe your own eyes, ears and logic. Cut through the smoke, haze and mirrors that the cycling community/industry has throw up and understand that doping is rampant, especially by our heroes.
Landis, Pereiro and Armstrong are great examples of the axiom that; What matters is not what you can establish as true but what you can confuse people into thinking might be true.
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Some
quick hits from the non-cycling world;
It didn't take long for Speaker of
the House Nancy Pelosi to show her duplicity, did it?
While campaigning she loved to point out the wastes
and abuses of the Bush Administration. Now that she's
got some power she's demanding an Air Force One type
aircraft to ferry her, her staff, her family and
lobbyists (what does that tell you about Pelosi) to
her home state of California as well as to personal
speaking engagements and other non-goverment related
destinations. Read about it HERE. Just as bad, Congressman Jack
"give government contracts to my brother" Murtha
warned the people at the Pentagon who could
approve or deny Pelosi's request that they'd
better give in to her request because both he and
Pelosi, as members of the House Appropriations
Committee, decide on allocations for the Pentagon.
Or in other words, give us the luxuries that we
want or you won't get what you need for our troops
overseas. Read HERE. Real class acts, Pelosi and
Murtha.
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The Florida Supreme Court, in a
wildly activist decision, decided that a guy who was
duped by his tramp wife into believing that he was
the father of her child, must continue to make child
support payments even though DNA evidence proved that
we was NOT the father. The court found that "policy
considerations favoring protecting the best interest
of the child" override the interests of a sucker
defrauded by his ex-wife. Maybe the court should take
it one (minor) step further and say that the best
interests of the child out-weigh those of Elvis
Kennedy and that he, too, should send money to the
ex-wife who got knocked up by cheating on her
husband. The court also said that the husband was, or
should have been aware that in today's world there is
a high incidence of infidelity and that in-effect,
the husband should have seen this coming. Read all
about this wacky but possibly landmark
decision HERE.
While I whole-heartedly agree in protecting the "best
interest of the child" I cannot agree that taking
money from a guy who is not the biological father and
did not legally adopt the child is the correct
outcome. The alternative course is for the ex-wife to
find and sue the biological father and/or go on
welfare to protect the child. Probably not good
outcomes in either case but certainly better than
what the court decided. All of this is the tramp's
fault, why isn't she being held responsible for
anything? If you live in Florida, beware. You have a
supreme court that just might rule to garnish your
wages for things you have no relation to.
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Elvis' impatient
thought for today; When is the future going to get
here?
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Promised photo of
Heather Mills (ex-Mrs. Sir Paul
McCartney)
Floyd Fails Again
It was simply distasteful when millionaire doper Floyd Landis started begging for money. And now that he has fallen well short of his goal of two million dollars it's simply pathetic. Think about this for a minute; Landis has been a highly paid cyclist for many years (At Phonak he made $1 million base salary - annually. Added to that was sponsorship money which for Landis should have been in the $1-4 million per year range. Then bonuses, appearance fees, speaking fees, Floyd's goofy training camps and so on.), yet here he is acting like a regular street bum. But aiming high. He may be out of work but he's not homeless. Since 97.5% of us have net worth's less than $1 million it means that roughly 97.5% of the suckers who sent money in had net worth's significantly less than that of Landis. Doesn't this seem backwards to you? Still, there were enough idiots out there sending money to the Floyd Fund that it's collected $150,000.00 so far. Must be the same idiots that sent money to Tyler Hamilton. That was money well spent, wasn't it?
Wait? Did I call it the Floyd Fund? My bad. It's called the Fairness Fund. See, it's not about Floyd, it's about fairness for all of us. Nice marketing spin Floyd. By claiming that he needs the money to, "attain a fair and just hearing", he suggests two incorrect premises. One, that he needs the money. This is just plain bull crap. He has more than enough money enough to defend himself. He would rather use your money though, apparently saving his own cash for things like houses in expensive gated communities so that he can hang with his neighbors Tom Cruise, Steven Spielberg, Queen Elizabeth II and Barry Bonds. Hmm.. Barry Bonds? I wonder what Barry and Floyd have in common? See below for more on Bonds.
The Landis home (center-left) in gated community. The Landis' need your help.
And two, that he is somehow not getting a fair hearing. He's free to get hearings from the International Cycling Union, the French doping agency, the US Anti-Doping Agency and the World Anti-Doping Agency. But like his mentor Lance Armstrong, Landis seems to be claiming that there is a world wide conspiracy that's out to get him. Landis is even claiming that he is being denied basic human rights. What? Is he being lowered, alive, into a meat grinder, hanging by his testicles like Saddam Hussein used to do to people he disliked? Is Floyd being held in a feces filled, windowless, eight-by-eight jail cell for months on end? Is he being tortured in an effort to get him to spill the beans on how doping is rampant in the pro cycling world? Get a grip Floyd. You exercise your right to free speech (continuously), you exercise your right to petition for redress of grievances (continuously), you exercise your right to pick a religion, peaceably assemble, vote in free and fair elections, you have not been deprived of life, liberty or property. In a nutshell Floyd, from the perspective of most of the people that populate this planet, you have the world by the tail. You are rich, famous and are free to pursue whatever kind of life that you want. You are shameless in suggesting that somehow you are being denied basic human rights. You wouldn't know the first thing about it. If you'd like to know what being denied human rights means maybe you should ask one of the millions (that's millions Floyd) of refugees in Pakistan, Somalia or the Sudan.
Thanks to the Fairness Fund, Floyd Landis was able to get a bicycle and some basic food supplies.
Only in America can people cheat at something, lie about it and then, in effect, get a license to steal. Only in America do poor people feel sorry for the rich. And now, to bring his pathetic panhandling directly to the people of America, Landis is planning to, "hold town hall-style meetings in Southern California and across the nation where Landis will discuss his legal defense and raise money through auctions and by signing autographs" (read HERE). That's great; town hall-style meetings, where, like politicians, Landis can lie about his behavior and beg for money. Landis, like a good politician, knows that the public gets their information from the media and rarely do they delve into the actual facts surrounding an issue. So Landis will continue to spew his lies in an effort to get public opinion on his side in hopes of duping the public into sending money his way.
Finally, if Landis was truly innocent of the doping charges, and if he really was to make $8-10 million in endorsement deals plus $2.5 million in winnings, he could sell a stake in his earnings to an investment group. This happens all of the time. For example, if you are suing for financial damages you can sell, in advance of winning or settling the case, some or all of your potential income. The trick, of course, is to convince the investors that your story is true and that you are likely to prevail. With up to $12 million (Floyd's claim, read HERE) in potential income he could easily find suitors to fund his defense costs. If, and that's a big IF, he could convince someone, anyone, of his innocence. Under these arrangements Landis would have to share a percentage of this income with the investors. And that, I suppose, is the rub; Landis is obviously greedy and wants all of the money for himself, thus the begging instead of a market driven and value considered buy-sell arrangement. Still, and as a further service of elviskennedy.com, I'll provide to Landis links to two such organizations (HERE and HERE). Good luck Floyd.
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To those of you who wonder why Landis would have
taken testosterone instead of the usual EPO in
anticipation of an epic ride, how about this for a
theory on why Landis' blood had unusual amounts of
testosterone; EPO, as you know, is a synthetic
replacement for human blood and is used to boost
performance by raising the amount of red blood cells
to increase aerobic capacity. Let's say that the
night before Landis' other worldly ride at the Tour
de France Landis was given a bag or two of his own
blood. This is an old-school (non-EPO) and classic
method of blood doping. And let's say that the added
blood was taken from Landis earlier in the year when
he was taking synthetic testosterone for muscle
building purposes, say, during February or March when
he was in a training and muscle building stage. Is it
possible that Landis and his doctors spent so much
time calculating just how much blood they could add
to his system without tripping any drug test red
flags that they forgot that the blood was laced with
remnants of synthetic testosterone? This could
account for the unusual levels Landis had in his
system and it would answer the question of why not
EPO. Does this make any sense whatsoever? Hey, it's
just a theory.
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Lance Armstrong as baseball
player
Baseball's Lance Armstrong, better known as Barry
Bonds, has failed a drug test. Read HERE. Why is this item here in
a cycling related blog? Well, in addition to the
obviously parallel careers of Bonds and Armstrong
(swell athletes at the beginning of their careers,
superstars after drug use) you'll note other eery
similarities. For example, both of these
knuckle-heads are fond of saying, "I've never
failed a drug test". They both claim to be the
most tested athlete on the planet. This is malarky
and both of these guys know it, and they also know
that the statements get printed every time they
are uttered. Useful to cast doubt. There is
indisputable evidence that both of these guys took
drugs in the past and they both used the same
sorry excuse; someone (or everyone in Armstrong's
case) is out to get them. For Lance it's the
entire country of France, the laboratory that
tampered with the testing system and ex-friends
trying to extort money, for Bonds it was doctors
and friends giving him things he thought were
multi-vitamins. Armstrong has never fully answered
why EPO was found in his blood from the 1999 Tour
(see HERE) and Bonds has never fully
answered the same types of questions (see HERE). Both guys claim problems
with the testing system at the same time they both
used sophisticated methods to manipulate that same
system to avoid being caught.